“I believe in nothing; not the end and not the start. I believe in nothing; not the earth nor the stars. I believe in nothing; not the day and not the dark. I believe in nothing but the beating of our hearts.”-30 Seconds to Mars.

A few years ago I would always walk to this little playground. After a good hour or so of jogging I would go to these set of swings and just sit there and swing watching the time fly by.

Every year, I always walk back to those set of swings before school started to reflect back on my past and actions. This day however was different.

As I sat there, filled with nostalgia, I looked up at the same sky I had been glaring at for the past 3 years,the same sky that validated me. I came looking for inspiration and yet I found nothing.

I sat there deeply depressed at everything. I was about to enter a new world that I could not turn away from. My fears of not being good enough were eating at me. I was doubting myself and my convictions because of my past.

These things weighed down on me like a mass of my own stigma. All the bad decisions of my past came flooring in. I was sad,angry and confused.

I believe in beauty. Beauty in sadness, love, life, and happiness. We are all somehow wounded as we go through life. The scars run deep to our very core and sometimes we even let those scars define us. We keep the pain and heartache to ourselves. Always confined in solitude.

Why?

Would constantly regretting the decisions I’ve made further me in life?

Would pretending to be alright when we know we’re not, bring us happiness?

Would living a life where your very existence and purpose is just a product of your past, bring you the peace you so desperately want?

No.

These rings represent something really important to me.

Keeping our emotions locked up inside us will not truly give us the outcome we desire. Frankly, it only worsens things. When we keep them locked in and compressed, we only succeed in creating more emotion that builds up. It comes out, either little by little or in one huge explosion.

We are kinda like sponges, but even a sponge can only take so much water before it has to be squeezed so the water can be released. Keeping those things locked in will only destroy the important and healthy relationships we later on create.

Our past is what made us who we are today but it is not the most important part of who we are. What we choose to do now with the knowledge of our past is more important. We need to let go of our sadness before we can ever start to feel true joy and happiness. It doesn’t matter how strong we believe we are. Eventually the burden of carrying all our past emotions becomes too heavy and we fall.

No matter how horrible we think our life is, there is always someone else out there whose life is significantly worse.

I try to remember that anytime i begin to feel sorry for myself.

The past is gone, and standing still being afraid to do things because of my past emotions won’t get me anywhere. I’ve let go of those bonds. I realize that there are somethings I just can’t control and I’m thankful for the things I do have. In the end I posses two good working legs and you know what? I am going to freaking use em and keep walking forward towards a brighter day.

Fall term, Here I come!

‎”When you live your life full of complaints and built up sadness, you will surely miss the one meant to comfort you.”